Peer+Feedback

I really, really liked your cover letter. The word choice was great! I suggest creating a new tab for it though.

I wanted someone else to see what goes on in a kids head.  how exciting can it get. <?>

The poem was AWESOME. I really liked using it as an opener. It really set your voice and a setting for the story.

Basketball is religion A entire generation  living through their kids

I liked the first journal entry. I liked its location because it explained your first/an early memory with Drew.

Me and Drew have never talked til this year.  .. .out of my arms and chest. Me and drew had. . .  Hes my best friend. 

I liked how random the police scanner is as far as sequence of events, but maybe follow it with explanation of the event.

Spencer: Dude its like  Also, Chris’s second sentence, I know he probably said, nothin’s gonna happen, but maybe since it is technically a college paper, you may consider proper grammar; nothing’s gonna’ happen

Maybe give a setting of some sort to the heart to heart. It is very important to the following entries, but it seems a little plain.

I like how after the heart to heart piece, you tie the journal entry with the actual experience. The end of the journal entry left some anticipation, and the four wheeler story satisfies that anticipation.

his dads 4 wheeler and I am riding his.  Im okay 

Flight paper I liked how you started with the climax of the story. I enjoyed gaining details along the way. I am pretty curious to know what happened inside her house, the transition was a little confusing. I LOVED the story though. It was very exciting! The ending was key to the story.

So there i was  Knot freshly forming  It was 3 am. <3 A.M.> As I looked past the steam  The clocks second hand  Not my brothers car.  It's his baby.  . . . and your worried about your brothers car?   Kristen's house, those notorious butterflies started up. <//and// those> house silently. only using my momentum <silently, using only> Little did I know that there was a hairpin turn <know, there was a hairpin turn> I saw the turn, locked the brakes up and ramped the car <locked the brakes up, and> The question answer and thought was hilarious. That was a good element to the paper. Because I am.. your right.. <you’re>

Betrayal was huge to the paper. It showed a large climax to your friendship.

Me: Whats going on <What’s> <?> so you can get some <.> Thats bullshit! <That’s> Dont worry about it <Don’t> Me: You Fucking Bastard. I told you that in confidence <You fucking bastard! I told you that in confidence!> I told you that because i thought i could trust you <I thought I trust you.> <In general add periods/exclamation marks> I liked having the poem and blog side-by-side. The blog showed your immediate solution to the poem – which explained why you wanted to quit.
 * I wont do it. <won’t> **


 * The blog and poem made a great transition to the sports section. I believe between those two parts, and the sports article, you made an impressive transition. **

I think the dialogues did a great job of showing how you covered things up with your parents. “I’ll brt” showed me you were using text messages. I would create a title at the top, or something else, to show that it was a text message.

I think the blog was the perfect conclusion to the paper. You mentioned Corey becoming your best friend, but he is only mentioned by the dialogue/text entry. I’d like to know more about how the two of you came so close, like you did for Spencer. Also, maybe incorporate an example of making your hardest good-bye, right before the final blog.

that i can't imagine moving <I> big step for me and i'm not sure i'm ready <I’m, I’m> I'm sure ill make plenty <I’ll> <delete “click here to edit>

GREAT paper. It was very personal, and I felt like I got to know about you. There were some grammatical mistakes, which I have posted on the wiki, but for sake of paper space, will not be on the printed copy. The paper did a great job of portraying your friendships. I would give a humorous bio of each of the friends at the beginning under their pictures. I think it could be helpful to know a little more about the characters of your story. Great work Jake, I truly enjoyed it!