Draft+Commentary

=My Draft Commentary=

//__My critique of the rough draft__//
I wanted to write this memoir because I felt like it was the only story I could tell with a positive emotion. I did not want to write about anything too sincere on the first writing assignment, and I felt that my Cancun story was the best story I have that could keep a reader’s attention.

My working draft was written to give formality to my story. I basically told the story using proper sentences and the best punctuation I could use.

I am missing loads of detail to my story. After reading Sunday Afternoons, I realized I did not paint such a vivid picture like she did. I think this partly because my story already exceeded the page requirement without details by 300 words. I really want to go back through and explain the ending more, going into detail about walking down the street and entering the new building. I should also write about my thoughts while I was in the lobby, i.e. my fear of what the Souza family would think. In general, I need to spice up my story, so I can put people in my shoes. I do not think I did a good job of this, although it is an essential part of a memoir.

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